Weight Journey

I've struggled with weight my entire life. I was in jr. high and was a member of Weight Watchers, at 13 years old. Weight Watchers did work for me and my lowest weight I believe was 140. Which is my ultimate goal weight, as of now. But it got to expensive going to the meetings so we stopped. As we stopped we also stopped eating healthy like we were doing while on weight watchers. Slowly, the weight came back on and ultimately more weight. By the time I graduated high school I weight about 200 pounds. Then it was time for college, being a college student I definitely didn't eat the way I should, during my 4 years of college I put on another 60 pounds roughly, weighing a whopping 260 pounds. In the next 6 months I put on 20 more pounds. My highest recorded weight was 280 pounds and that was Thanksgiving 2012. Now, I know that isn't healthy whatsoever, and I know what I need to do. Its a simply and easy equation. Eat healthy and get off my ass. The beginning of the year is the same old story, "new year new me" This time I'm going to loose weight and get healthy. I've been saying that every year since I can remember. Towards the ending of 2012 I saw something floating around on twitter called "fit4the500". It was a weightloss competition with racing folk. The goal was to be fit before the indy 500. It was a 3 month competition, although you could start earlier if you wanted. I thought this was it, I'm going to join this group and get myself going. And I did for a while, I did really well I was put onto a group called team apex. I'm still part of this group with an awesome coach Monica. Now in the year and half that I've been on this journey I've managed to loose around 30 pounds putting me around 250. Now I haven't weighed myself since March, so I have no idea what I weigh now. Honestly, I'm not to worried about it. I can tell when I've put weight back on by the way my clothes fit. I'll be honest I still haven't gave this my 100%. I'm ashamed to admit that, and I'm not sure why. I always find some excuse either  I don't have the time, or I'm tired are some of my common excuses. Monica, bless you. I'm afraid I have let you down, you kept keeping on me and I'd do really well. Then I'd hit some sort of a wall and fall back down. You've picked me up so many times and I feel like it's a never ending cycle. You probably think I'm a broken record. You know the story all to well. And you are probably thinking that now. I so desperately want to prove that notion wrong! :) And for good reason. I want to prove to myself and anyone else that I can and will beat this disease. First I need to focus on why I hit that damn wall. It seems like every 3 months that I hit that wall. Well not this time, I'm going to knock that wall on it's ass. I owe it to myself to get past this demon. I'm completely happy with my life, except for this part. The part where you feel like absolute shit. I get complements all the time on how pretty and how curvy I am, but 85% of the time I don't feel pretty. I think part of the reason I always fell off was because I wasn't doing it 100% for me.  I was doing it probably 40% for me and 60% for everyone else. I always had the mentality that if I lost more weight then guys would want to be with me. Even at 24 I still thought this. It took me a long time to get past that thought process. So from here on out I will be on this journey for me, and no one else. I owe it to myself, no one else. Yes, I want to make people proud of me. Yes people are already proud of me, just for coming as far as I have. And I'm so grateful for that. But for now, it's time to get off my so called soapbox and actually put in the work and quit talking about putting in the work. Because talking about it doesn't burn calories or lift weights. I will update often on my journey. Thank you all!